Why Can’t I Get my Addicted Loved One to Stop Using?
If you are living with and addict or alcoholic, you may feel that your life has turned upside-down. You may feel like you’re living in crisis mode, waiting for the next explosion or for the proverbial “other shoe to drop.” You may feel helpless and hopeless, while at the same time angry and scared.
These feelings are a very normal reaction to living with someone who has an addiction. But normal does not mean the same thing as healthy. You need to be able to take care of yourself. Many people choose to stick by their partner, child, or parent in spite of some of the very negative behaviors surrounding addiction.
If you are trying to find a way to make that work, without losing your mind, you need to refocus your gaze on you. Instead of continually trying to think of what you can do to help, fix, or save the addict, you need to start focusing on what you can do to help, fix, or save yourself.
No matter what you do, no matter how you plead, no matter how you care, you cannot stop an addict from continuing in their addiction, if they want to continue in it. As a therapist working in a Utah substance abuse treatment center, I have worked with many family members of addicts who thought that they could keep their loved ones safe somehow.
Most overdose deaths occur in the home. That means that the whole idea of, “If I can just keep him home, I can keep him safe” is out the window. Let it go. The more you struggle with your addicted loved one, the more you coddle, finagle, plead with, criticize, etc. the more you lose yourself in your own illness of codependency.
Only the addict and her higher power can save her. Period. End of story. While she may get the help, skills, and tools she needs from treatment if and when she’s ready, only she and her higher power can get her to that point. And only she and her higher power can keep her in recovery, after treatment.
Whether or not your addicted loved one is ready to seek treatment, you can still take care of yourself. Al-Anon is highly recommended. That, or Codependents Anonymous would benefit you more than you can now imagine. You will meet others who struggle with the same things. You will get support, understanding, and some real-world ideas for how to cope with your addicted loved one.
What does this mean for you? You are free to attend to yourself. You are free to work on your own problems. You are free to nurture those other important relationships you may have been neglecting. You are free to smile again. And most of all, you are free to have peace.
Call today to find out more or enroll in our Family Program 1-877-593-6777.
2 Comments
Jenay / 02 Jul 2011 / 11:32 am
Angela / 04 Jul 2011 / 7:30 am