How to be Calm When Dealing with an Addict
If you have an addicted loved one, especially in your home, you know that their behaviors can at times be chaotic, negative, painful and potentially even abusive. There are steps you can take to remain as calm as possible, the next time your addict is in chaos.
First of all, make sure you are safe. If there is any danger of physical harm, get yourself out of the situation before it gets to that point. If you are abused, please consider the option of separation, while you give the other person the chance to seek serious help. Don’t be afraid to get help if you need it.
If you are physically safe, but feel like the addict still sends you into crisis mode, you can take care of yourself even in the midst of conflict. When you feel yourself becoming stressed, notice it! Are your palms getting sweaty? Do you feel tightness in your chest? Does it seem like your heart is pounding? Tune in to what the stress response feels like and be aware of it coming on. Awareness is always the first step.
Now, take care of your stress. Is the addict yelling? Is the addict using right now? Is the addict being verbally cruel? At this moment, because they get to choose how they act, remind yourself that you cannot fix them or their behavior. Go instead to, “What do I need to do for me right now?”
Maybe you just need to let her know that you need a break. Take a time out and a hot bath. Or, perhaps you just need to go for a walk and burn off some steam. Say as little as possible and do as little as you can with or for the addict, until you can get yourself calm.
Once you have taken some needed space and gained some necessary perspective, you can look back on what happened more objectively. Is there something you might be able to do, in the future, to avoid even more stress for yourself? Do you need to make a decision about something?
Keep in mind that you cannot change the addict’s behavior, but you can set boundaries with the addict as far as what you are willing to tolerate in the relationship. Decide what you need to do to protect your own boundaries, if he violates them.
With your Higher Power’s help, and with your value system intact, make your next move based on what is right and appropriate for you. The more you work on you and let go of “working” on the addict, the more you give him the freedom to work on his own recovery and the more healthy and content you can feel.
The Cold Creek Wellness Center’s Family Program will teach you and support you through you difficult times. Call us today 801-593-6777.
2 Comments
Matilde Ysaguirre / 10 Jun 2011 / 7:43 am
Mildred Coffey / 04 Jul 2011 / 9:17 am